Little girl gone

 I remember Stacey like yesterday... After falling in love with a fragile, scared, abandoned little girl, she climbed into the car with her biofather's lawyer who had come to get her and take her away forever.  I had suffered with her through her difficult days and nights for years. Just when she was accepting the love and "foreverness" of family... The judge ruled that the father she never knew had higher rights to her and I had none at all. That is the court system. The child and her needs and attachments and expectations and .... Just doesn't count. So, in a matter of hours after the judge ruled, Stacey was in a car,out of the driveway, screaming "mommy" as I stood on the street in shock. That the last time I saw her. She was 8.

Little girls gone. Leota was 12. She was related and had been in state custody for years by then. Families had tried to adopt but it never worked out. I was a single mom of a 13 year old boy and decided that I could offer a home and family and stability. I became a certified foster home for her without a clue as to anything. I had a very little history in the beginning. She right away began calling me mom and arguing with her "brother" and running off without telling me. Many behavior problems but I truly cared and wanted her to feel safe and wanted. I needed help understanding her incessant suggestion that "let's get rid of Eric" and she wanted everything to be just her and me. She repeated this often. I was a little scared. She taunted Eric but I felt he handled it well enough. As she became a little older, I noticed sexualized behavior and chalked it up to normal, but I also was worried how it would affect Eric. I often reported back to her psychologist since she had been diagnosed with various mental and emotional issues. After one conversation she admitted to me she was extremely worried that my son would be falsely accused of sexual abuse because, and I had not known this, she had made such allegations in the past while in foster care and had wrecked havock on families. I was so disheartened because I was in some sort of "Sophie's choice" situation although I knew I could not save this little girl and risk my son. When I considered how often she wished to "get rid of Eric" it occurred to me she actually had the power to do just that! The social worker agreed the risk was too high and she was taken back into foster system. I felt guilty like I had betrayed her hopes and wondered if she would recover. About a year later, she was adopted by a Catholic couple and seemed happy. I lost contact with her for awhile until I heard her adopted mother suddenly died. I asked her if she wanted to come back but she said she needed to take care of her adopted dad now. After about a year, she did return and wanted to finish school and go to cosmetology school. She had goals and Eric was older, not as vulnerable. However, she didn't expect me to have house rules or to find a little part time job as Eric had done. It was to be their own earned money to save for a car or school or spend on extras and it wasn't optional. She began to rail against my rules, break them, take off for a day or two without telling me where she was. The stress was high in the house. One day, she just packed up and left suddenly. She said her "dad" needed her home and had sent bus money. I was shocked! He had not said a word to me. But, I had no legal standing and no way to convince her to stay and follow through with her goals. Actually, it was devastating mainly because I felt I let her down again by expecting too much. Eric often told me I expected too much. Little girl gone.

The hardest "gone" was my granddaughter. I can't even really talk about it. The grief and loss and depression has consumed me. I am just glad she is doing ok so far far far away.

Little girl gone.

GrandMollie farewell

My Aunt Mollie, known to many as "GrandMollie" died on Thursday at 6:20pm. My cousin had called me an hour earlier and said "I don't think she will live another hour, maybe two" and exactly an hour later she took her last breath with Anna on one side and me on the other, being quiet, being in almost a quiet shock although it wasn't a "shock" - she had been on her journey for awhile. Made me think about so many loved ones passed over - Rick, Mammy, Sandy, Eve, Tara Singh, Bear Heart, Aunt Patsy, Aunt Ellen, grandparents all, Louie, Andrew Nagen, Dr. Zonnis, Marty Paskind,... just in the past decade. I feel so blessed to still have both parents alive.

Although "Grandmollie" had many hours days weeks and years with Eric, she loved him. His first school bus ride was from her front yard in Sky View Acres. Aunt Mollie was a superhero,but her flowers, paintings, poetry, and artistic creative self was something. She could also fix anything, roof, whatever - when you don't have money, you figure out how to do these things. Anyway, I will miss her, although I've really missed her for the last 10 years since she moved away from here... and we grew more and more distant as years went by. I always asked about her, knew what was going on in her life, but just quit talking to her for no other reason except that we lost touch.  When she was here, we would talk about everything under the sun, religion, spirit, flowers, children, her experiences, she would share her writings, and we would sit and drink tea for hours. We would go into her bedroom to see her new dress, or try on lipstick, silly stuff... or just lay on the bed and talk about things.

Eric and Felicty are getting married

Son Eric and Felicity are getting married in less than two weeks! I am glad they picked Anna's for the ceremony and celebration. Laura got her license to perform the wedding. There are about 35 guests with cupcakes for each. Courtney's girls are going to be flower girls. I hope Tom, Eric's best friend, will be here from Hawaii to be the best man. Lilly is anxious to get out of the rehab (after breaking her hip at Meadowlark Senior Center Sept 13) and wheel to the wedding. At almost 93, this is one thing that has kept her going, kept her spirits up - after this, well, I guess Eric and Felicity will have to get pregnant so she has another "life goal" ! Earlier this year, my mother Bertha also fell off the back steps and broke her hip. Poor mom. But, she's still recovering and will make it to the November 3rd wedding. Then, they will spend their honeymoon at Casas de Suenas, "the snail house" where I used to work for Robert Hanna. Eric loved going to work with me and playing up in the snail house (closed to the public for safety reasons). That was, gosh, 20 years ago? Anyway, it's been quite a year so far and many other events to report, but... I need to get to work for my new clients - Supreme Court of NM!

He-Sah KeTah Ah Neh Jah

This was the little note Bear Heart (Muskogee Creek) gave to me sitting by the fire atop a mountain around 2008, I think. I had just told him about my experience as a vision quester and this is the name he gave me that day. I miss you, Bear Heart!

Largo

California Daze. For some reason I was thinking about my german shepherd, Largo, and how he had adopted me, moved to California with me, and landed us a beautiful spot to live in Laguna Beach.  The mailman left me a note that he could no longer deliver my mail (this was back in the day when you had a slot in your front door for the mail) because a protective dog had been guarding my porch for the last 10 days. I had no idea what he was talking about! I didn't have a dog at the time. The next day I came home from work to find a beautiful, but thin, german shepherd ... on my porch. I was a little nervous but this dog acted like he had been expecting me and made himself right at home. He was, indeed, very protective! About a year later, I was offered a job in Santa Ana, California and decided to take it, with the raise and the change from New Mexico. I packed up my stuff, Largo, and my loyal, lovely gray cat "Beggar." We headed off for the great unknown. I had rented a place from a group of unknown people - young and innocent and trusting as I was - but, it soon turned out to be a disaster. One of my new roommates went into my bedroom while I was at work although I had warned everyone not to enter my room because of the shepherd.  Largo attacked him and the man fought back. Largo lost his eye in the battle as the man smashed him in the head with a heavy lamp (he was bitten, but not badly). I rushed Largo to the vet and ended up with extensive vet bills for surgery, etc.  I had to take Largo to work with me to administer medication and keep an eye on him. After a few days, my new boss insisted that I move to Laguna Beach and live in their guesthouse - he had fallen in love with Largo, as did his wife! Largo, Beggar, and I had a wonderful home there, a block from the ocean. Although it was a hour drive through the canyon, as soon as I arrived home every day I took Largo down to the ocean to explore. We lived there for about a year.

One day, Largo followed me up a steep winding staircase. I did not realize he was following me as it didn't occur to me he could (or would!) negotiate the turret with the cast iron stair steps. As I reached the top, I looked down several stories high and witnessed Largo falling straight down to the bottom! Frightened, I rushed back down to find that Largo had survived without any broken bones.

I'm not sure if the trauma of the attack and the fall had anything to do with it, but soon afterwards he was diagnosed with cancer; his loyalty to me was strong and fierce - he survived several more years before succumbing to the disease.

I really loved that dog.  Actually, I really loved that cat, too! Beggar has her own unique story - another day.

Almost finished with anthropology/sociology degrees at UNM.

Came across my vision quest "field notes" and decided to put them here to save. "The aspen drew me to my spot, whispered my way to the top of a knoll in the Sacramento Mountains outside of Cloudcroft, NM" - Bear Heart had encouraged me to go out on this day, as he had sent out about 8 others for this vision quest event. "My spot is a squirrel home. I put down stones to mark my place next to buried pine cones where the squirrels had been busy earlier in the year, storing up for the winter. I feel at home and humbled. Seeing is vivid - like seeing everything that ever existed all at once. Squirrels playing, logs rotting, ants doing. I see invisible flying things - I saw invisible only because I have to squint, and it's all in the corner of my eye. Then, I spot an interesting red bee, who comes into my circle and stays all day. I look deep into one of the rotting logs and see a snake-looking creature." Bear Heart later calls it a serpent when I tell me about that. "I'm mesmerized with the water hole within the log that the little snake thing is swimming around in. There are thousands of sea shells all around me. I think of the ancient history of New Mexico like I'm part of history right then of millions of years earlier. The shells are super bright, super white and clean, like they are beaconing me to take them home. I do put some on my spirit stick. The wind sounds like a jet airplane overhead. There is something that reminds me of a burial mound nearby. I sleep but again I awake because there is a noise like an 18-wheeler or a goose! Then, I hear the drum echoing through from the camp site where Bear Heart and the others are staying, probably a mile or two away, but the drum sounds like it's a foot or two from me." Later, I tell Bear Heart about the red, big furry bee that hung out with me. He gave me a name "helps with life" (in Creek). I hope to envision this bee medicine. As it turns out, I had some interesting intersections with bees, honey, etc. over the next year.

Sadie looks like she is ready for Christmas this year.... at least someone is! Grandma Lilly is flying in today from Florida - at age almost 90, she's having her second "First Christmas" (last year, she hadn't a clue as to what was going on!). She told me a story about when, as a child, she hung up one of her socks (stocking) having heard from school mates that is the way to get a gift for Christmas - but, the next morning, her sock was empty! She was bitterly disappointed and confused... however, her Jewish mother had no clue about the "sock" not having ever experienced this tradition. That was the last she thought about it. She has a giant stocking hanging in my living room, have to figure out how many apples, oranges, nuts, and other stuff I can get in the 4 foot stocking for her, ha! Eric and Felicity will be here tonight.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGVbs58LRac

The Shift of the Ages film shares the Mayan Cosmo-Vision and Prophecy through the wisdom and teachings of Grandfather Cirilo Perez Oxlaj, also known as Wandering Wolf, Grand Elder of the living Maya.

I was blessed to have met this wonderful man in 2005 at a ceremony in New Mexico which I attended for 4 days. I immediately fell in love with the spirit of Don Allejandro and the message he brought to the ceremony. I'm so grateful for his wisdom and his willingness to share. He is an extraordinary intelligent elder with an urgent message for all of us.

http://www.shiftoftheages.com/wandering_wolfs_message

Bob and Eric and I enjoyed the Bob Dylan concert with Mellencamp and Willie Nelson. It was a whole day event - left house at 3pm, got home about midnight. Concert was 4.5 hours or so! Dylan sounded different.... like this! We had good seats, but with my damaged eyeballs, I couldn't really see anyone - but, it was so loud, hearing was no problem at all. Bob and Eric pitched in for a $18.00 frozen margarita for me - thanks, guys! Glad I wasn't driving.

Neglected amulets in a dusty corner

Ready for a far away sing

somewhere undone is the dress

thrown in the closet of Unseen

Thunderous drums beat my heart

the singers sing my song

I sit in ceremony at my desk

the going where I don't belong

Sun Dance calls but here I stay

Undone undone is what I Am

Looking for red tail hawk

I dance on rock and Unplan

Stuck on undoing I beg Creator

Grandmother Kay is "my" dancer

All those that pray and sacrifice

gratefully undone is the answer

Next year I'll do ceremony

and finish my dress

and polish the amulets

to make my redress. Undone

Like A Comet
Blazing 'Cross The Evening Sky
Gone Too Soon

Like A Rainbow
Fading In The Twinkling Of An Eye
Gone Too Soon

Shiny And Sparkly
And Splendidly Bright
Here One Day
Gone One Night

Like The Loss Of Sunlight
On A Cloudy Afternoon
Gone Too Soon

Like A Castle
Built Upon A Sandy Beach
Gone Too Soon

Like A Perfect Flower
That Is Just Beyond Your Reach
Gone Too Soon

Born To Amuse, To Inspire, To Delight
Here One Day
Gone One Night

Like A Sunset
Dying With The Rising Of The Moon
Gone Too Soon

The great M.J. is, indeed,
Gone Too Soon

when "merdaughter" was born, her mother and I had always, since childhood, promised "halvzies" meaning what's hers is half mine (in this case.... her daughter, Andrea!) ha! I was really hurt when I wasn't allowed to be her GodMother (Catholic rules), so years later, Andrea gave me an "official GodMother" certificate - I'm a very proud GodMommy Aunt Nique. Andrea has had an incredible life journey and continues her amazing trip. She was blessed with two kidney transplants and now is in her 3rd year of college. WAY to go, my dear one. She is abled in her wheelchair, having been in a car accident as a teenager. What a beautiful New Mexico flower bloomed after years of dialysis, transplant failure, and severe complications from the paralysis/wheelchair. I think she's an inspiration in "how to keep on keeping on" in the face of pain, difficulty, hardship... the list is long! Here she is, still joyful, grateful, amazing!

This is a wonderful animal sancturary near Albuquerque operated by "The Bug Man" Dick Fagerlund, and his wife, Holly. I've known Dick for many years and he is the most animal loving person in the whole wide world (and so is Holly!). They have many animals to take care of of all sorts and so please help if you can! Check out the animal sanctuary link and read the poignant stories of how they became the wards of The Bug Man Animal Sanctuary.

My Great Uncle Dan Love was a fine man, artistic, creative, a do-it-yourselfer, gardener, dad, uncle, teacher, and loved his family - great, extended family. So, he is being memorialized in California tomorrow and I can't be there - you know, the "dogs"... I can't leave them alone in New Mexico! I made a poster for the memorial.

Yeah for LA! I wish every city in the US would follow suite and ban plastic bags being handed out like trash-candy. There is an ocean disaster happening, all due to bags, bottles, waste, and it's a shame that our grandchildren will swim in an ocean of plastic rather than enjoy any beauty. Our deserts are filling up with plastic bags - all over the sagebrush, buried in the sand - everywhere you walk, they fly in from Phoenix, I guess! Please use non-plastic things, please.
Also, if you are interested, here is a scientist talking about a huge problem of plastic in the ocean:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7K-nq0xkWY
or you can search for "plastic in the oceans Captain Charles Moore" and watch the very sad legacy of plastic users world wide.
http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/china/2009-02/19/content_7493305.htm
http://foodmuseum.typepad.com/food_museum_blog/2009/03/gas-bagsbag-em.html#comments

Larry Moore, my favorite old guy, friend of the family for 40 years or so. He'll be missed so much. Poor dad, Larry was his best friend forever. They did everything together. Hunting, camping, family outings, stuck in the mud, adventures, Las Vegas, lakes, mountains, deserts... so many memories.

Eclectic2: Tolle Dalai Lama Peyote Dylan etc.

Order the CD to support indigenous tribes globally - great music!
survival-international.org

My best friend Kassani went hiking up the cliff with me, Sadie, Suessie every day while she was here visiting from Texas. At first, she wasn't sure about the steep, 50 degree climb up the side of the Petroglyphs on my special "return path", but she carefully picked her way through the boulders, holding on to her coffee cup. What a good sport, as usual!

I meant to show her my "GOTH stone" included among my peeps altar, says "GOTH, my dear friend" (that's her dad - "Guy On The Hill"). Anyway, it was an honor for me to have her here for a few days on my walks! THANKS, PURPLE!

My pretty mom, sitting on the edge of "the bowl"; she really pushed herself to walk out there and I just love her so much! Oct 2008 She wrote a book named "Love Poems" by "B'in Love" and it's really beautiful with her poems and dad's photography.

Nicholas has been staying with me for awhile due to some hardships for him, but he's overcoming and was even brave enough to take the GED test after I got him a study book and he decided it wouldn't be so bad after all! Yeah! So, good luck and many blessings to a life re-arranging! He likes taking walks with me and "the girls" every day.


GED test day.

survival-international.org

we are listening to the 100 coyotes on the other side of the "bowl" (as I call the area which is about a mile in diameter). I think they are becoming displaced and are howling about it - can't blame them a bit!

Rainbow season!

Eric at the top of the mountain Cloudcroft, New Mexico

Birds and flying things and cards and stuff.. several days ago I finally wrote to Bear Heart's daughter and family with the intention of making (or whatever) a sweet potato pie, one of his favorites and delivering... well...
so, anyway, I've been acutely aware of the Winged Ones, my relatives - roadrunner, thirsty dragonflies, and now tiny little feathers, like hummingbird feathers are simply floating down in front of me. I liked one in particular and have now lost it... sort of needing to let go of the attachment to little feathers, I guess. Maybe. Every day I see at least one dragonfly. I make up songs when I walk along in the morning, along with my prayers, I sing stuff that comes to mind like "The Winged Ones Are My Relatives" and that sort of thing. I sing it, not too well, but no one is around but my four legged friends and they enjoy it, I'm sure. So, I wonder if I will deliver pies and heart felt cards - maybe tomorrow.

Heartless... Bear Heartless, that is. Seemed perfectly natural to want to head up to the top of the mountains - bear country - along with 100 others.

I'm so blessed that Eric, my son, accompanied me - he was concerned about my grief, bless his heart - Eric Heart.

One evening, the group participated in a drumming circle. Eric was mesmerized by the sound and the fire. So was I.

Yes, the Papa Bear's spirit was surely all around. Showing up as rainbows in an almost cloudless sky - didn't rain while Eric and I were there for the 3 days - which was quite unusual.

The Give-A-Way was fun and a man gave me his mother's poncho and a wood block print of a Hindu saint - don't recognize, but will look it up.

Was strange that my friend Enrique was there when we arrived Friday and I never saw him! very strange - magically invisible I am I am.

Shawna said she was going to Hondo Valley, where she grew up, after this gathering - that's where my dad lived!

So... it's sad to know that we'll won't get to have a Sweat Lodge with Bear Heart or a meeting - not in this lifetime anyway. What a treasured gift to have crossed paths. Thank you.

Yesterday, I put down newer, prettier "memory rocks" ... the memorial is larger now that Bear Heart has passed through the veil. Decorated a rock for Eve Michaels, Ruby Roundy, Marian Zonnis, John Pyatt, Andrew Nagen, Lou Piazza, Pam Allen, brother Rick of course, Lester Moyer, Lucy, Grandfather Martinez, Ted Roberts ... well, that's enough for now - I hope there won't be any more for a few years! These purple flowers smell sooooooooooo pretty!
Okay, then... on my way to the top of the mountain near Cloudcroft today to memorialize Bear Heart - he liked that place and that is where he gave me a medicine name, too - good place to go camping this weekend, although the weather forecasts flooding rains, etc. I've been stuck in the mud there before though... no fun!

Queen of the Petroglyphs in Pink. Serious Suessie is looking for Silly Sadie and she doesn't see her - ears perked - maybe she can hear Sadie?

The little tiny flowers are coming out pink and yellow on "my trail". They're so darn cute!

Bird Watching in the morning at Elephant Butte Lake in May.... ahhhh! Marjorie Love came to visit, so we headed down to the B&O lakehouse (my parents, her cousins) to watch birds from the porch overlooking the lake.... ahhhhh!

I miss frogs. We used to have a lot of frogs; haven't seen them in a long time. SAVE THE FROGS SAVE THE BEES!

Wow, two whole entire congress people "lived on" food stamps for seven whole entire days - can you believe it? What did they think? Here is an audio file with their "reports" about their severely restricted food budget (duh... like the rest of us - THE PEOPLE) .... bread for the world has a report (listen to the entire file to get to their report). Listen up, these hill people didn't ask their families to live on a food stamp budget. They toughed it out: http://dl.nmmstream.net/media/bread/breadcastmay2008nmm.mp3

It's called "the food stamp challenge" - I wish all of congress would "take the challenge" for an entire 30 THIRTY - yes, I said a month --- do you think it would make a difference to those leaders educating our leaders about hunger issues in America?

It's funny that these high on the hill leaders "for the people" can't figure out how to eat like "the people" -- they struggled to figure it out. She bought an onion; He lived on lentils... he could live on that, he says, but now (after a week) he hates lentils. Issn't that interesting? Find out who "he" is, who "she" is - listen to this and become educated about the people who run this country and weep!

Dear People On the Hill:

I am sick of drug companies poisoning our health system and strong-arming (threatening?) congress that prohibits Americans from buying affordable prescriptions. I am sick and tired of you putting meth-making drugs as OTC, no matter how many forms people have to fill out - it's such a transparent trick - are we stupid or what? I'm sick and tired of congress being run by health-ruining, economy-ruining, big-money companies and industries! I'm disappointed and ashamed that congress is the product of oil companies, drug companies, etc. No kidding - are we stupid or what? I'm sick that our representatives won't represent the best interests of the PEOPLE the PEOPLE the PEOPLE (we are the people, aren't we?) and our environmental future! STOP IT! Stop meeting in little rooms with lobbyists, making policy that is ruining my life, my children's lives, the planet's sustainability. JUST STOP IT! Are you all stupid, greedy, what's going on over there on the hill with this crap anyway? Are you kidding? Are we all stupid, brain-dead, meth addicts... what's going on?

http://www.brilliantearth.com/ please don't buy diamonds and gold -- are diamonds a girl's best friend? that's a bunch of nonsense - especially if that "girl" knew the grave harm and violence involved in the diamond trade industry. Read the facts. Because I've known about the harm of this industry for most of my adult life, you can't find diamond and gold jewelry in my collection - once you've been educated, you just can't turn back!

My great niece Annalisa is learning to play my little xylophone and doing a great job. With enough clapping, she'll be an expert in minutes. She mimics everything and is a delightful visitor, although too brief and far between visits. Laura and Annalisa are on the way to Elephant Butte Lake to visit with my mom, dad, and my Brother Orion Jr. , a Boliviano.

I worry a little bit about what Silly Sadie sticks her nose in...

Yesterday, just a few flowers...
today, a whole field of yellow flowers! HOORAH!

April 15 and some flowers are finally showing up along with 5 little ants and a butterfly... These are the only flowers out on "my trail" - a few days after Bear Heart's 90th birthday, and here are the blooms, lucky purple ones and blessed yellow ones. Really very small plants. I haven't seen a bee and I miss them. My tree tried to bloom, but I guess it missed the bees that used to come by the thousands every year to buzz around my blooming tree - I miss my tree, I miss my bee.

Orion is here Orion is here! My young brother from Bolivia is here to visit for a whole month. I haven't seen him in 8 years. My parents haven't seen him since they traveled to Bolivia 4 years ago. He came without his family of 10 children and wife of a lifetime, Trish. But, he needed to come see his mom, and just showed up unexpectedly. What a great mother's day this year! My dad needed his son around - he has to contend with all women. Orion has had a tough time in Bolivia - really tough. BUT, he says it's peaceful beautiful, there are no crazy people running around like here, and people are considerate in Bolivia, etc. etc. In other words, he's suffering major culture shock! Well, he lives in a remote village, population a few hundred - even Truth or Consequences is a BIG CITY. It's wonderful to have him around for a while - wish they'd all just move back, but they are citizens of Bolivia, love it, and intend to stay there.
Can't say I blame them a bit!

Emily Kurn is a brilliant songwriter with a folksie voice.
Here is a sample from her website:
mp3

Mosaic Children's Project

War on Drugs 2008. A 4000% increase in young children previously diagnosed with ADHD and now with bi-polar illness. Natural Remedy: homeschool. Most little kids are doing drugs because the teacher (or big-named child care nursery school aide) said so, intimidated (hard-working, unaware, uninvolved?) parents listened, and doctors (drug pushers? over-worked, disinterested, uninformed?) make a lot of extra money from the DRUG companies (or maybe afraid of lawsuits?). WAR ON DRUGS (war on children?)... I'm scratching my head, "huh?", seys I.

There is one little pink blossom on my dying apple tree - the famous "tree house" tree so many people have loved and sat in over the years.

I like Sadie's new bush hat. She tires easily and so we all sit and rest pretty frequently. Her high energy rabbit chases last about 10 minutes and then we have to stop for awhile. I'm a little worried about her inability to quickly "recover".

Suessie is very patient about this and sits by her side, somehow knowing that Sadie might be having some trouble-maybe allergies?

Thinking she might be too hot, I clipped her hair down to about an inch - that doesn't help though. Well, we have several resting places along the way - wherever there is shade or a good place to dig into the cooler earth (a place to stick your head).

My "new" trail is more like a bowl without direction. Not far from my "old trail", there are no people here for my dogs to bother. The park rangers told me there had been complaints about my dogs off-leash. Ok, well, I found a little place without trails or people. I'm making my own trail, being careful not to step on any bugs or baby green things. It's closer to my house anyway. I think this is where the coyotes hang out, maybe rattlesnakes, too.

Does anyone else see "oil spots" in the sky? hmmmm, looks like a gas or oil spill on water

http://dl.nmmstream.net/media/bread/breadcastmarch2008nmm.mp3

breadfortheworld.org is really informative "breadcast" (podcast) all about being hungry

Been thinking a lot about the wonderful times with Bear Heart (shown in middle - I'm on the left) - as he nears his crossing-over time. His birthday is coming up and we all wonder if he'll "wait" until his birthday to cross. So many of us will carry him on in our hearts - he taught me so much. I remember him naming me as his sister but then he declared "I don't know if you are my little sister or big sister" and I said "I think I'm your big sister" (meaning, I am a little "bigger" than him - ha!). He always made me feel like an important friend and part of his family. I do miss them all right now.

A new friend - John - he is a professional musician and came with Hazel Jean to visit Bear Heart. They stayed a few days and nights with me and John went on walks on "the trail" a few times. He loved it. So, last night Hazel calls and says John is in hospital with sadness. We'll see what happens, but I'm "taking John" on my prayer walks daily. So, anyway, John played guitar and piano and he played my piano while he was here. Thanks, John! BE WELL!

Yes, this is how windy it was... Dragonfly Sadie Quail really likes to chase rabbits.... she's a poodle, "ya kno". Suessie Quail spots something interesting... I wonder. She's watchful, wary, cautious, and stays close to me - the trail guard. Sadie is careless, clueless, free-spirited and doesn't always want to "come" or "sit" (she did today).

A pretty cloud day. They were so smooth and linear. I had been in bed, sick, a few days, so it was nice to get out, although windy. Most of my prayers were for my mother today. And, I suppose for myself to "get over my Self" since I've been feeling a bit pitiful for the last week. As Bear Heart sings his "Pitiful Song" to me in my head.... "I am the most pitiful person" - it's a real song, appropriate! I thought how undeserving I was to feel anything but joy and gratitude - other stuff creeps in and really lays me down low. Well, I did enjoy the clouds and my 4 legged friends today. That's something.